2015 Grammy Predictions

Ah, the Grammys. The award show that honors poor artisanship, lackluster songwriting, and pop prostitutes feeding off suppressed America while simultaneously banishing real music to the bowels of categories like “Best Rock Album”. It’s safe to say I’m not exactly fond of this format, but while I wish the awards weren’t tailored towards “popularity”, charts, and certifications, I guess that’s just the way the industry has been shaped. Like Fall Out Boy said, save rock and roll.

But let’s continue:

Record Of The Year:

I’m going to go with Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off”, purely because it’s better than the rest of the options. As much as I despise post-Fearless T-Swift, at least this song is a jam. This can’t be said about the other nominees. “Fancy” is a song people make fun of, no one actually thinks it’s good. Same can be said about “All About That Bass”. I still don’t even now what “Chandelier” is or who Sia is, and “Stay With Me” is what Mark Brunnell listens to when he cries about footballs being under-inflated.

Side Note: I firmly believe all songs nominated in this category should be written solely by the artist. T-Swift hasn’t written a song on her own since 2009.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM

Album Of The Year:

As much as I doubt this will happen, I’m praying that Beck’s Morning Phase wins and marks a triumph for the umbrella of rock music as a whole. I don’t even know a song off of Bey’s eponymous release from the summer. As talented as I think Ed Sheeran is, I’ve yet to buy into his latest algebra symbol. Sam Smith’s sappy act isn’t fooling anyone, and I can’t name a song on Pharrell’s Girl other than “Happy”.

Side Note: Besides the Beck album, I can’t name any of the tracks on any of these albums besides one or two “hit” singles. This award is more based on the popularity of a few songs other than rewarding complete, front-to-back albums. That’s why Beck should win (and why Weezer should’ve been nominated), but also why he won’t win.

Song Of The Year:

For anyone who doesn’t know, the difference between this and “Record of the Year” is that this awards the songwriters, whereas the previous awards everyone involved in the recording process (which would include the songwriters, I’d think). In other words, there really is no difference.

Other than the fact that Hozier’s “Take Me To Church” was nominated in place of “Fancy”. This deserves to win, because it was actually written by only the artist himself. If any of the other nominees win, there will be about 50 people on stage accepting the award. I’m not even a huge fan of this song, but even I’ll admit the lyrics are pretty clever and meaningful. The rest either aren’t, were plagiarized, or just suck. Again, charts and certifications.

Best New Artist:

Bastille lead the indie rock revolution of 2014. While it’s a long shot that they up end any of the pop stars in this category, I’d like to think they will. They do have a great front to back album in Bad Blood, and “Pompeii” was a smash hit waiting to happen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F90Cw4l-8NY

Best Pop Solo Performance

I STILL DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO SIA IS. That being said, I’m again defer to Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off”. This category is all about voice, and it’s hard to argue that anyone in has a better voice than Taylor. “Stay With Me” also sounds like it’s someone else’s song.

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance

Through the process of elimination, I’m going to pick Coldplay’s “A Sky Full Of Stars” based solely on the fact that they’re an actual band that uses actual instruments. I am no way justifying this train wreck of a song. It’s terrible. But again, process of elimination. Katy Perry’s halftime show didn’t make me like “Dark Horse” anymore.

Best Pop Vocal Album

I’ve made it clear that I hate “A Sky Full of Stars”, and Ghost Stories is no different. The only difference is that I’m not picking it to win a Grammy. I’m going with Ed Sheeran’s because this guy is very talented, in addition to his great voice. I saw him live once and I was blown away by his performance. I don’t know how one person can make that much sound with no one else on stage with him. (Loops. It’s all about loops.)

Best Rock Performance

I understand how little sense it makes for me to pick Morning Phase for album of the year and have it lose every othe rminor category. Like I said, I don’t have a say in what gets nominated and what doesn’t. That being said, I’m picking “Do I Wanna Know” by Arctic Monkeys. I’m unsure why it was even nominated, seeing as the single was released in June of 2013, but I’m not complaining never been a fan of Ryan Adams or Jack White’s solo career. If The Black Keys’ “Weight Of Love” or “Gotta Get Away” were nominated, I’d pick that. “Fever” just falls slightly short.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tWFk8ojF4M

Best Rock Song

Arctic Monkey’s didn’t manage to slip in a nomination here, so now I’ll give the nod to The Black Keys’ “Fever”. Not necessarily my absolute favorite song, but I like it better than the other nominations. I DON’T HAVE TO PICK BECK IF I DON’T WANT TO!!! Again, not a White or Adams fan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuV5q8I-9DE

Best Rock Album

Ryan Adams. That one’s easy for me to eliminate. The remaining nominees make for a very hard decision, but it ultimately comes down to U2 and The Black Keys. As much as I love Songs of Innocence, I can’t see myself turning against Turn Blue. An album that begins and ends with two of my down right favorite songs, and not just of the past year, is near impossible to pick against. Not to mention everything in between.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ2xc_d8uUw

Best Alternative Music Album

There’s really not even a decision here. If you’ve even heard “Cigarette Daydreams”, then you’ll know it’s a nasty ending to Melophobia, the amazing third album from Cage The Elephant. Okay, maybe This Is All Yours by Alt-J should be given more consideration, but I’m just going to go with the one that I personally prefer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opeETnB8m8w

And to be perfectly honest, I don’t even care about any of the rest of the categories. I actually don’t even care about most of the ones I did cover, really just the rock categories. Although a win from Beck for album of the year would be a huge win for rock music. Save rock and roll.