Power Ranking My Choices For An MLB Walk-Up Song

You know how the saying goes: Look good, feel good, play good. But I wanna put a little twist into that: Hand me the AUX cord, feel good, play good, burn the stadium down.

I was at the Sox game Friday night (a write up about how much this team grinds my gears is in the works but I don’t think you need me to tell you how much they suck alligator ass) and one of my buddies pointed out how bad Hanley Ramirez’s work ethic fielding skills walk-up song is. It’s “Choices” by E-40. Yeah, I hadn’t heard of it either. The intro is a loop of a guy, presumably E-40, going “….NOPE……YUP……..NOPE……YUP…..” and he goes on to rap over said loop.

“Ever ran one out to beat a grounder? NOPE. Ever look like a spoiled brat? YUP. Ever keep your helmet on swingin’? NOPE. Ever wish you were at short? YUP.

So as the curious, inquisitive, and enjoyable men as we are, we started the conversation of what our own walk-up song would be, because any song we would pick would be 200 times better than that garbage HanRam plays every time he steps into the box.

First things first: I’ve been thinking about this subject for a while now, and this recent conversation I had only cranked up my thoughts on the topic. I’m conflicted, so that’s why I’m writing this. I get to figure it out, you get an A+ blog post, win-win.

This is solely for a walk-up song as a batter, not a song to play if I’m entering the game as a reliever in the 9th or walking out to the mound as a starter to warm up before the 1st inning. BIG differences there folks.

If I’m a closer coming out to put a game in the bag, no doubt I’m going with U2’s “Bullet the Blue Sky.” Those opening drums and long cuts played by The Edge are intimidating as fuuuuhhhkkkkk. Plus, it’s off The Joshua Tree so bonus points there.

And if I’m walking out as the starter and taking my warmups, it’s “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin. It’s a song that says, “Hey, for the next 7 innings or so, maybe more, all nine of you guys are my bitch. Welcome to hell.”

But walk-up songs are a little different in my book. As a pitcher, the only real notable songs are intimidating ones. “Enter Sandman” for Mariano Rivera, “Hell’s Bells” for Trevor Hoffman, etc. If you’re a batter, there’s a lot of different ways you can go. Luckily for all y’all, that’s what this list entails.

10. “Sex and Candy” by Marcy Playground

Just imagine: bottom of the 9th, bases juiced, 2 outs, we’re down by one, and in steps Brendan Fitzpatrick with “I smell sex and, candy, heahhhhhh” looming in the background. The pitcher would be so rattled that I’d be given meatballs all at-bat; he wouldn’t be able to focus because it’s so slow and uncomfortable. I might add to the effect by holding the bat close to my body and taking baby steps to the plate while creepily staring down the pitcher. Walk off written all over that.

9. “Pony” by Ginuwine

Sort of the same principle as the last song. Unexpected, sorta awkward, but undoubtedly groovy. The song synonymous with strip clubs has a solid opening to step into the box to. Only thing is, I’m trying to keep this at least PG-13 rated; there are kids in attendance folks.

8. “Ambitionz Az A Ridah” by 2Pac

Do I have to explain this one to you? “I won’t deny it, I’m a straight ridah/You don’t wanna fuck with meeeeee” will lead to an intentional walk 11/10 times.

7. “Panic Station” by Muse

I could use a lot of songs by Matt Bellamy and Co. as a walk-up song. I went back and forth between this, “Supermassive Black Hole,” “Hysteria,” and especially their new one “Psycho.” But I dunno. “Panic Station” is what I was feeling today. Chunky, funky, and awesome to walk up to. You can’t pimp out a walk to many songs by Muse, but this is an exception.

PS. The second part of “Knights of Cydonia” would be, without a doubt, the goal song of my team if I owned an NHL franchise. It gets the people goin’!!!!

6. “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand

Terrific song with a notable riff that people can get behind. This also lets me get on a soapbox and say that Franz Ferdinand is such an underrated band. Plus, it was on one of the best video games ever, Madden 2005, so more bonus points handed out there. Football video game soundtrack, baseball walk-up song, same thing.

5. “Dayman” from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I think this song would really capture who I am as a player/person like no other tune. Dayman! Fighter of the nightman! Champion of the sun! Master of baseball karate and friendship for everyone! I can see it now: “Now batting for the Electric Dream Machine….number 17….Brendan….Fitzpatrick……number 17…..Fitzpatrick,” as Charlie Kelly belts out his magnum opus.

4. “Midnight City” by M83

Another song that can lead to a pimped out walk. Gets the heads bumpin’ and the crowd on my side as I step into the box; no way I can be put away easily. Even the pitcher would surrender to the beat of the chorus. Every time this plays, the at-bat would 250% be in my control. The only downgrade I can give to this is the fact that electronic shit isn’t my absolute go-to for music. Great song, just not my #1 cup of tea.

3. “Gorgeous” by Kanye West, ft. Kid Cudi and Raekwon

Arguably the best song on arguably the best album in music since 2000, the opening hook of this jam is infectious. The rest of the song is too, and the lyrics are great, but that opening gives a good enough sample size for a roughly 20 second walk-up. Say what you want about Kanye, but the guy knows how to make awesome music. If you include Mr. Rager’s opening lyrics, it can work even more: “Ain’t no question if I want it, I need it/I can feel it slowly driftin’ away from me.” It’s not often that you can say a song by Yeezus works for a baseball game, yet here we are.

PS: Starting now, whenever Kanye is mentioned by YB on this blog, this vine is going along with it.

2. “The Outsiders” by Eric Church

This was a VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRYYYY close call for me. I love Eric; Hail to the Chief all day everyday. Like Muse, there’s a couple ways I could’ve gone here: “Homeboy” is a popular pick around the MLB, for good reason, and songs like “Keep On,” “Creepin’,” and countless others in his catalogue could easily fit the bill. But “The Outsiders” gives the combination of that hard rocking sound and a “fuck you” attitude, making it almost perfect for a walk-up song. Like, in terms of lyrics, where do you start and end the track as you step in? “We’re the junkyard dogs, we’re the alley cats/Keep the wind at our front, and the hell at our back/That’s who we are/We do our talking, walk that walk/Wide open rocking/That’s how we roll/Our backs to the wall/A band of brothers/Together, alone, the Outsiders/We’re the riders, we’re the ones burning rubber off our tires/Yeah, we’re the fighters, the all-nighters/So fire ’em up and get a lil’ higher.” That’s dank! However, I give the next song a slight edge in one big area.

1. “All These Things That I’ve Done” by The Killers

We ALMOST made it through a whole Stitched Up article without a Killers reference! Why this over the Chief? Well, for one, this is their best overall song so that adds to the final judgement. From start to finish, it’s just straight up liquid gold. I get goosebumps every single time I hear it to this day. But the huge factor that puts “All These Things” over “The Outsiders” is the chant-ability-ness of it. What does that mean? The higher your song’s chant-ability-ness is, the more the fans can get behind it; science has proven it. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” can be echoed throughout an entire ballpark when I’m up, and that’s something that becomes iconic and attached to your name which is really cool. It’s a bit of a different song, but Shane Victorino has “Three Little Birds” as his walk-up song and gets the Fenway Faithful going every single time.

Hey, it worked out for him pretty well.

So if it worked for the Flyin’ Hawaiian, it should work for yours truly.

There’s obviously a whole lot of possibilities for a walk-up song; that’s what made this list so damn hard. But if you ever think of your own hypothetical music to approach the plate with, just make sure it isn’t involving newer Maroon 5. Those motherfuckers sold out.

I leave you with the obligatory 2008 Nike commercial with “All These Things That I’ve Done” featured in it. The best commercial ever as far as I’m concerned, which is impressive considering it has a liar, a rapist, an obnoxious POS, a narcissist, and a murderer in it. Goes to show you how awesome it is.

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