Sepp Blatter, Like His Usual Self, Was Swimmin’ In The Money Earlier Today

HERE COMES THA MONAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE COMES THA MONAY! MONAYMONAYMONAYMONAYMONAYMONAYMONAYMONAYMONAY DOLLA DOLLA! DOLLA DOLLA!

So fitting for this ass hat. Usually protestors who go up on stage and do shit like this fail 12 times out of 10, but this guy (who’s notorious for pulling shit like this, who knew?) got it right. The only thing that could’ve made this stunt better would’ve been Sepp shoving the dollar bills down his pants like a stripper.

Blatter is a pig and a fraud, and now we also know that he’s a whiney bitch. “Wheah is my secuhritey, come ahn!” Whiney bitch.

Get out of my face with this whole, “(money) has nothing to do with football” malarkey. Uhhhhhhhhh at the moment? It kinda does. People are (unfairly) complaining about the US women’s team’s winnings in terms of money, it’s the transfer season which means the dough is flying left and right like hot cakes, and oh yeah, FIFA’s getting investigated by the FBI for a loooooooot of bribery. That third one is kind of a big deal.

Who are you trying to fool Sepp? Everyone knew awarding the 2022 World Cup to the middle of the fucking desert over ‘Merica wasn’t about soccer. It was all about the Benjamins; not only for him, but for pretty much everyone in the FIFA hierarchy. It’s been a slimy organization for years, and that’s not a secret to anyone, soccer fan or not, anymore. It’s been, at the very least, highly suspected by soccer fans for years, but now the flood gates are open.

But why am we even expecting a senile and crooked old fart to run a successful PR campaign? Dude can’t hold a lil’ press conference with some money confetti around him, so he shouldn’t be able to save some face. He tried to reduce the bleeding once already with his speech after winning the FIFA president election yet again a few months ago, and he fell right on his face.

“…we will do a good job together I’m sure (makes smug face).” Fuck. You.

Thank God he stepped down. Best thing he’s done in a while, maybe the only positive thing actually. It’s not gonna change how corrupt FIFA is, but it’ll help. Screw this dude. If you’ve got some time to spare, watch John Oliver go into detail about FIFA’s bullshit on Last Week Tonight. He’s brilliant, and these two videos prove why.

If you don’t have all that time, well then at least enjoy this fire GIF of Sepp falling.

sepp fall

BOOYA! Somebody get Mrs. Fletcher Mr. Blatter LifeAlert.