A month or two ago, magic happened.
Jesus Christ himself blessed us all with the hit single known as “Sippin'” by none other than full-time athletes and part-time musical geniuses Gronk and Big Papi. If you’re one of our loyal readers, you might remember me declaring it possibly the song of the summer. Considering how much “Shut Up and Dance” has fallen off and how most of the other songs on top of the charts suck, per usual, that declaration is starting to look more and more legit.
But a few weeks ago, they dropped their second single, a techno-EDM-thinger mcgigger called “Turn it Up.” I had a clusterfuck of work when it came out, followed by YewTew and a week down the Cape, so I wasn’t really able to get around to watching it until recently. Expectations were, naturally, as high as Willie Nelson in Amsterdam on 4/20.
Boy, was I disappointed.
What the fuck guys?! Thought we had something good going!
Gronk wasn’t that funny (“I hope we don’t run out of cups”<<<<<<<<“You and me on a tandem bike”) and Papi, once again in the span of 4 months, seemed like he didn’t wanna be where he was. Weak ass instrumentation, not clever at all, just a poor performance. The only positive thing was seeing Gronk jump around and shit, but you just know he’s only giving about 4% effort in doing so. I mean he’s still having fun since he’s the embodiment of a puppy running into a wall when it comes to joy, but I would’ve liked to see him give at least 69%.
Could this be it? Are Gronk and Papi just a one-hit-wonder?
That answer was questioned today, when they dropped the third single, a Spanish ballad called “Me Estoy Enamorando.” For all you muthafuchakz who don’t speak Español, that means “I’m falling in love.” If my logic doesn’t fail me, I think he’s falling in love with Dunkin’ iced coffee.
Gonna be honest: Papi has a nice voice. Better than I expected from a big ass DH. This wasn’t as good as “Sippin'” but it was miles ahead of that “Turn it Up” garbage (read: gar-bah-hey, to keep up with the whole Spanish thing). Plus, Gronk saying “It’s Papi time” is just liquid gold. The whole “It’s a love song…about iced coffee…in Spanish” thing is pretty good too. The Internet now has to come through for me and get a GIF of Gronk raising his eyebrows so sensually.
If “Sippin'” is the equivalent to Eric Church’s “Springsteen,” then “Me Estoy Enamorando” is the equivalent to The Chief’s newer hit “Give Me Back My Hometown.” It’s still a solid tune, but it’s never gonna overtake its older brother in terms of popularity and overall quality. And as for “Turn it Up,” well, it can’t be compared to any song by Eric because he literally has no songs that are bad.
And SPEAKING OF COUNTRY MUSIC (I’m sick at transitions) the fourth and final song by Gronk and Papi will be a country song called “Four Things We Love.” It’s dropping August 4, so you bet your ass I’ll be there to bring it to you. Do they go with a bro country sound or more or a traditional twang? If Gronk’s running the show, then I would go with the Luke Bryan frat house bullshit country. But hey, you never know.
‘Merica…even though half of the people in this picture aren’t from ‘Merica.
So “Turn it Up” should be turned down, “Me Estoy Enamorando” is a solid rebound song, but there is still only one true jam in the bunch.
THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOORLD!!!!