Little late on this, sorry folks. I promised you I’d be the official messenger to the people on the Gronk and Papi musical front, but after a lot of work over the last week I’ve finally got it for ya.
TEARS. ACTUAL TEARS. I’M CRYIN’ BRUH! I’M DEAD! 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
It’s, it’s, it’s just, GRONK’S FAKE ACCENT!
“DUUUUUUUURT ROOOADS, a PICKUPPPPPP, and Dunkin’ Iced COFFEEEEEEEEEE!” should’ve been my senior quote. Forget the lyric I had from “The End” by The Beatles (if you know the song you can probably guess which one I had in there), just keep it short and sweet, of course adding the, “and Ahmericah” from Papi at the end.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that Gronk had a ghostwriter on this one, Drake style. A line like “You and me on a tandem bike/Sippin’ on Dunkin’ iced” is certainly something that he could develop on his own, but knowing him he probably wanted the four things he loved to be, “TOOOOUUUUUUCHDOOOOOWNS, some BOOBIESSSSSSS, and Dunkin’ Iced COFFEEEEEEEEE! And the number sixty niiiine!”
But to keep with the, sadly, everpresent cliché in country music, it had to be dirt roads, a pickup, Dunkies, and ‘Merica. I’m fine with the Americana in modern country music, but hearing multi-millionaires like Luke Bryan and Blake Shelton sing about workin’ hard in tha corn field when they haven’t worked a hard day of labor since Neverary 1st gets on my nerves. That’s why Eric Church is the fuckin’ Chief baby. Bo Burnham, in the video below, has an amazing song on the topic which he hits directly on the head (as expected). Buuuuut I digress.
Gronk, in his last attempt to wow us vocally, solidifies that he cannot sing for shit. I mean, I’m fine with that since it gives us something to laugh our asses off too. And as long as he’s catching passes and spiking his heart out he’s A-OK with me, but at least Papi can sing a bit like he did in “Me Estoy Enamorando.”
“4 Things We Love” is a hysterical song because of Gronk’s horrible voice and how stereotypical country it is; the dancing, the simple lyrics, the outfits excluding Papi’s t-shirt and blazer look, all of it is something that looks like the embodiment of 101.7 The Bull. Huuurrnnnzzz uppp Bostonnnn!!!!!
Due to the sheer comical aspect of it, I think “4 Things We Love” is good enough for the silver medal in the Summer Chill singles competition. “Turn It Up” was far and away the worst out of all of them, “Me Estoy Enamorando” saw Papi bring el fuego vocally and Gronk have a few good moments,
but it wasn’t as entertaining as Gronk trying to fake some George Strait-esque twang.
But, we pretty much knew which song out of the four was gonna be #1 from the get-go.
From the first time I heard those sweet, sweet vibrations of the lead guitar, I knew “Sippin'” was bound to be a game, no, life changer. It was lyrically eye opening, revealing parts of my world and of myself that I didn’t even knew existed. The simply perfect chemistry between Gronk and Papi from start to finish, from the calls-and-responses in the verses to the unity in the chorus, was serenity. And the cup solo!!!! Who could forget the cup solo?!?! Who has ever done a fuckin’ musical solo with a cup from Dunkies?!?! Forget Jimmy Page on the Les Paul, next time I hear the iconic solo from “Stairway to Heaven” I want to hear it played on a cup! Take that, Jimi Hendrix!
So to review:
4. “Turn it Up”
3. “Me Estoy Enamorando”
2. “4 Things We Love”
1 (AND STILL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOORLD).”Sippin'”
So one last time this summer, TAKE IT AWAY KANYE!!!!!!!!