Fitz Picks His Ultimate Rock Band With $25

I love when I see stuff like this. You might’ve came across this lil’ diddy on Twitter a little while back.

Why did I randomly think of this tweet? Beats me. But I did while reffing intramural flag football the other day. I texted Andersen about this and he gave me his picks (which I’ll let him post if he wants) and suggested everyone on the blog do it. I dunno if that’s gonna happen, but I’m here to at least try and get it started.

Before I go in on this, I just wanna say that while the list is reeeeeeally good, it’s certainly not perfect. Some guitarists aren’t in the right places, and there’s some big time obmissions. Bruce Springsteen probably would’ve cost $11 since he’s a jack of all trades anyways.

So first, we need a name for the band. If anyone knows one thing about me, it’s that my favorite scrub baseball player of all-time is Wily Mo Peña.

Baseball reference in a music post, deal with it.

It’s an unhealthy obsession I have with him, really. Poor Wily Mo is playing ball in friggin’ Japan, so I’ll make him our band manager since it’s probably better than hitting .220 in a country that uses a language you can’t speak a lick of.

Plus, he can party like a rock star!

So it’s just natural to call the band Wily Note Peña. Get it? Note? Like a music note? Instead, instead of Mo? No?

Front Man: Jesus Bono for $3

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Our Lord and Singer is a steal for $3. He’s one of the most recognized faces in music for a reason, since he can sing pretty much anything you throw at him and put his own nice touch on it. Terrific and powerful voice and can put on a helluva concert. I’ve said it here once and I’ll say it again: no one can sing “Bad” as well as Bono.

Guys like Mick, Plant, and Freddie aren’t bad at all, but Bono makes the most sense considering his low price and his skills overall. Easy pick.

Bassist: Paul McCartney for $2

BARRRRRRRGAIN!!!!

One of the most skilled musicians ever, arguably the best songwriter ever, a Beatle, a knight, and a lefty all in one?!?! Easy!! Paul at $2 is almost like an insult, but I’m taking that criminally low price and running with it.

Some of Sir Paul’s best basslines.

The only other option for me is Flea at $4. But still, c’mon, it’s Paul.

Drummer: Keith Moon for $6

In my opinion, Keith juuuuuuuuuust beats John Bonham out as the best drummer ever, and his price is what really does it here. I’ve got 3/5 of my band filled out, and I’ve only used $11. Smart AF with my money.

He was energetic, insanely complex, and just a fuckin’ lunatic. They made a muppet based after him because he was so crazy for Christ’s sake.

He also loved literally blowing stuff up.

But my God, he was an unreal drummer.

Lead Guitar: Eric Clapton for $4

Alright, this is a little ridiculous. Clapton is a top 5 guitarist and isn’t even top 5 in his category in terms of price. Uhhhhhhh yes please. Dude can kill it on any stringed instrument you give him. He can rattle off riff after riff and can just go ape shit at any given moment. He’s done it in legendary bands and as a solo artist. Clapton has done it all. Clapton is God.

Obligatory:

So after 4 picks, I’m at $15, which means I can really splurge on this last pick. Which is good, because I’m gonna need all 10 of those dollars.

Rhythm Guitar: Jimmy Page for $10

In my opinion, Jimmy’s the best guitarist of all time. Better than Hendrix, better than Townshend, better than Richards, better than everybody.

Why?

Because he had his own unique styles implemented in so many ways. When Page is playing, you know it’s Page. He passes the true test of a guitarist, in my opinion. He’s someone who can not only give you extremely technical and complex solos, but heavy and generally awesome riffs. Jimmy’s got the skills to compete with anyone you throw at him…

including the Stairway solo…

and he’s also got a seemingly endless catalogue of catchy and noticeable riffs. “Black Dog,” “Immigrant Song,” “Rock & Roll,” “Whole Lotta Love,” “Over The Hills And Far Away,” “Good Times Bad Times,” “When The Levee Breaks,” “Ramble On,” “Baby I’m Gonna Leave You,” “Custard Pie,””Heartbreaker,” I could keep going but you get the point. Some bands would be lucky to have even half as many iconic guitar riffs.

Oh, and “Kashmir,” too.

So, Wily Note Peña features two knights in Sir Paul and Sir Jimmy, a God in Clapton, his One Begotten Son in Bono, and a lunatic in Keith. Not a bad entourage for the big fella!!!!

What’cha think about it Wily Mo?!?!?!