Gwyneth Paltrow Will Be Featured On Coldplay’s Upcoming Song “Everglow”

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/chris-martin-explains-gwyneth-paltrow-featured-coldplays-album/story?id=35323863

The Wicked Witch Of The West will be a featured singer on a new Coldplay track, and I imagine that has left some fans on the fence. Chris’ rationale is that everyone who was asked to feature on A Head Full Of Dreams is important in the lives of the band members.

Now, I was just about ready to say how disappointed I am with Chris for allowing her to come back and provide something to a project that was supposed to be a big ‘ol “fuck you” to her. Ghost Stories– a very wishy-washy album–was all about her, so why should she even be allowed to breathe in the same area as the boys? I was gonna say how this is Chris crumbling, crawling back into her arms, “Warning Sign” style, after trying to heal himself from the conscious uncoupling. How he isn’t really over her. How the whole JLaw/next girl up thing was just a veiling of what he really has become: someone who hasn’t gotten over a break-up.

But then I brought it into the spin zone, and I genuinely believe that this is a haymaker.

The fact I was even entertaining the idea that Chris hasn’t gotten over the hump makes me feel ashamed. “Adventure Of A Lifetime” is too happy to come from a CM who’s still stuck in the sorrow of 2014.

No, you know what this is? This is the exact opposite: this shows that Gwyneth isn’t over Chris.

Why on EARTH would you ever break up with your husband, a singer, and then help him and his buddies produce a hit record? Sure, you can say hi to each other every now and then when you’re trading off the kids, maybe grab a cup of coffee and make half-assed attempts at catching up. It’s par for the course for any breakup.

But the only explanation to singing backup vocals (not even lead vocals; she’s riding bitch on this thrill ride) on your ex-husband’s song is that you’re just looking for any excuse to see him again. Gwyneth has crazy ex written ALLLLLLLLLLLL over her. She absolutely spends hours upon hours drinking Pinot Grigio from the box with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s by her side, sitting at her computer, glasses on, hair in a bun, scanning Facebook for any signs of Chris having even the slightest sliver of fun without her. And when she sees how he’s been on an absolute tear, she plays the Adele and calls up her friends up looking for comfort. She’s OK, guys, she promises. She doesn’t even care anymore. She’s done. She’s OK.

But then Chris wanted to make sure she knew that his life was bitchin’ without her, so he said, “Hey, come see what we’re doing and maybe I’ll give you a line or two to sing.” Gwyneth accepts the offer, and tries to convince herself that she’s going just to make an impact on Chris, one that makes him upset that they’re not together anymore. No sweetheart, he’s over you.

Deep down inside, she knows that she’s going as a pathetic attempt to see him again. She fell right into Chris’ trap: she went to the studio and did Coldplay’s bitch work on the mic, and got absolutely dunked on when she saw that Chris was doing juuuuuuust fine without her ass.

Unless my initial thoughts were correct, but I doubt that’s the case.

Chris: Infinity

Gwyneth: -4

chris martin dunk