December Derangement Part 1: Selection Sunday

PREAMBLE/DISCLAIMER/PRE-NOTE/WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT: This is something I started working on last December with a blog I was writing for before Stitched Up. It was never completed because of stuff that went down with the site. It doesn’t exist anymore, but hey, that’s besides the point. The first 3 parts of this series will be a republication of the posts I wrote last year, with some revisions made. You’ll know where any major changes are (like any changes of decisions) when you see italicized text like this. After part 3, everything is brand spankin’ new. So, enjoy!

(Insert generic “Well, it’s that time of year again!” quote here).

But in all honestly, CHRISTMAS TIME BABY!!!!!! That means eating a whole lot of unhealthy food, spending time with our friends and family, receiving some love, giving a whole lot of our bank account balance away, and of course, the music.

No matter what your taste is, there’s Christmas music that’ll suit you and there’s Christmas music that’ll annoying the hell out of you. Looking at you, Carpenters (that creepy state though…).

But the crappy music isn’t why I’m here getting my Christmas spirit on. The exact opposite, actually. It’s all about the holiday jams.

I’m going to be posting a 64 song bracket (!!!) to determine the best song for the most wonderful time of the year over the next few days. Just like March Madness, except it’s music, and there’s no trophy, and it’s not being televised, and I’m sitting while I’m doing it, and you get the point. Call it December Derangement! It’s a daunting task, but I’m the hero that Stitched Up needs.

Now here’s how it’s gonna work: In this post is the list of all four regions (yeah, I’m trying to really get the whole March Madness vibe going) and the songs in them, sorted top to bottom in order of their seeds. Like Selection Sunday, it’s just here to give a little preview of what’s coming at you. From there, I’ll dedicate a blog to the first round of the tournament; 32 hard hitting holiday hoedowns (I’m a poet and didn’t even know it) will be goin’ downtown, Macklemore style. Then I’ll do the round of 32, then the Sweet Sixteen, and so on and so forth until we have a champion on this holiday Hunger Games.

We may or may not make a podcast out of this. Andersen and I might collect a panel and make these decisions based on a collection of votes. Makes me think of another type of podcast…

Bracketville on!

So let’s get it going! Remember, this is just my rankings. Don’t get mad if a song you like is low or vise versa; I might surprise you with my picks. A lot of the seedings were just sort of general selections, and were mainly created a year ago. Things change, man, and upsets are totally possible.

UPDATE: Andersen reminded me of The Killers’ Christmas songs, and while I don’t think they are even close to their best stuff, I figured I’d throw them in there–along with a few other songs–to create four play-in matchups for the #16 seeds. Translated: even if those new songs make it into the field of 64, they’re (basically) fucked.

Tree Region

  1. Fairytale of New York-The Pogues
  2. Christmas Time is Here-Vince Guaraldi
  3. Snoopy’s Christmas-The Royal Guardsmen
  4. Run Rudolph Run-Chuck Berry
  5. Do They Know It’s Christmas?-Band Aid (Original)
  6. Jingle Bell Rock-Bobby Helms
  7. Mele Kalikimaka-Bing Crosby
  8. Merry Christmas Baby-Bruce Springsteen
  9. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)-U2
  10. Sleigh Ride-Leroy Anderson
  11. Sarajevo-Trans-Siberian Orchestra
  12. Little Drummer Boy-Sting
  13. Year Without A Santa Claus Theme-Shirley Booth
  14. One Foot in Front of the Other-Mickey Rooney and Keenan Wynn
  15. Happy Holidays-Andy Williams
  16. White Christmas-The Drifters
  17. Don’t Shoot Me Santa-The Killers

Milk And Cookies Region

  1. Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town-Bruce Springsteen
  2. All I Want For Christmas is You-Mariah Carey
  3. Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town-Frank Sinatra
  4. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer-Burl Ives
  5. Step Into Christmas-Elton John
  6. Feliz Navidad-Jose Feliciano
  7. Christmas All Over Again-Tom Petty
  8. Wizards in Winter-Trans-Siberian Orchestra
  9. You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch-Thurl Ravenscroft
  10. Heat Miser/Snow Miser-George S. Irving and Dick Shawn
  11. Dominic the Donkey-Lou Monte
  12. 12 Pains Of Christmas-Bob Rivers
  13. Little St. Nick-Beach Boys
  14. Someday At Christmas-Stevie Wonder (big change in the seeding; had to include this one this year. It got snubbed and Brendan made a boo-boo; sry)
  15. Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas-Perry Como
  16. Frosty the Snowman Theme-Jimmy Durante
  17. Last Christmas-Taylor Swift

Stockings Region

  1. The Christmas Song- Nat King Cole
  2. Wonderful Christmas Time-Paul McCartney
  3. O Holy Night-Josh Groban
  4. Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town-Jackson 5
  5. Blue Christmas-Elvis Presley
  6. Christmas Lights-Coldplay
  7. Believe-Josh Groban
  8. 12 Days of Christmas-Straight No Chaser
  9. The Season’s Upon Us-Dropkick Murphys
  10. Christmas Wrapping-The Waitresses
  11. Christmas Night in Harlem-Louis Armstrong
  12. Underneath the Tree-Kelly Clarkson
  13. Please Come Home For Christmas-Bon Jovi
  14. Here Comes Santa Claus-Gene Autry
  15. O Christmas Tree-Vince Guaraldi
  16. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer-Elmo and Patsy
  17. Most Wonderful Time Of The Year-Andy Williams

North Pole Region

  1. Happy XMas/War is Over-John Lennon
  2. Christmas in Hollis-Run DMC
  3. Hark, the Herald Angel Sing-Vince Guaraldi
  4. Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree-Brenda Lee
  5. Last Christmas-Wham!
  6. White Christmas-Bing Crosby
  7. The Chanukah Song-Adam Sandler
  8. Holly Jolly Christmas-Burl Ives
  9. Here Comes Santa Claus-Elvis Presley
  10. Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth-Bing Crosby and David Bowie
  11. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus-Jackson 5
  12. Please Come Home For Christmas-The Eagles
  13. Christmas Vacation Theme-Mavis Staples
  14. I Wish It Was Christmas Today-Horatio Sanz of SNL
  15. Merry Little Christmas-Michael Bublé
  16. Jingle Bell Rock-Randy Travis
  17. What Christmas Means To Me-Stevie Wonder

Let the madness, er, derangement begin.