The Case In Favor Of Coldplay’s Halftime Show…And How It Could’ve Been Great

^Unbelievable how the only full video of this on the Tube has some Spanish dude screaming during the “Yellow” snippet. At least it’s actually available unlike the Prince performance.

Now that almost a week of the world unleashing an absurd amount of asshole discharge on Chris & Co.’s Super Bowl 50 halftime show has gone by, it’s time for me to set the record straight.

It wasn’t that bad.

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I’m probably one of the most well-known Coldplay fans this side of the big pond. So this shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone. So for those of you who don’t get it, let me break it down for you.

  • Coldplay entered with a short snippet of “Yellow” (One and 5/6ths lyrics to be exacto).
  • They then proceeded to play shortened versions of “Viva La Vida”, “Paradise”, and “Adventure Of A Lifetime”.
  • Enter Marky Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars’ motley crew of West Side Story theater graduates who were dressed like Uncle Midas gave them a rub, who delved into “Uptown Funk”.
  • Next, Bey entered from one of the apparently two Denver Broncos end zones with a hurling pack of offensiveness. Just kidding, I don’t give a shite about all that Black Panther stuff.

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This has my vote for meme of the Super Bowl.

  • Anyway, they sang her new song “Formation,” which I also don’t give a shite about.
  • Bruno and Bey then began dueling with the camera angles, Bey almost fell, and Chris Martin joined them as they showed up late to the Uptown Craze of 2015.
  • Chris then played the iconic piano part on “Clocks” as a compilation of former halftime shows went across the screen, at times cross faded (BLAZE!!!) with Chris singing… specifically snippets of “Beautiful Day” and “Purple Rain.”
  • After singing a few lines of “Fix You”, all participants of the halftime show, including all those girls with North Faces on, sang the end to A Head Full of Dreams‘ closing track “Up&Up.”

So here’s why I’ll give this a show at least a B:

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  • The dad who behind Mark Ronson who looked like he went for a walk in the city and took a wrong turn and ended up in the stadium without a ticket but is having the time of his life.
  • Coldplay. I love them, and I’ll never be convinced they did anything wrong here. Chris’ stage presence is as strong as anyone who’s taken that stage. The entrance he made was great.
  • The camera work. The way the camera worked around Bruno Mars and Beyonce was spectacular.
  • Bruno Mars and his posse can dance.
  • Bey can too…did anyone notice when she almost fell?

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  • That ending sequence blew me away. There are two types of people in the world: those who got chills when they all started singing “We’re gunna get it together,” and liars.

Before I point out the gripes, I’d like to point out that I am an optimist. I see the best in things. I look for reasons to love things instead of to hate them. It’s really hard for me to hate a movie, for example.

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So when I list these gripes, think of them more as areas for improvement. We don’t knows who’s at fault for these, if anyone.

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What’s wrong with this photo? Well, especially following that ending, the “Believe In Love” decked out in colors is pretty cool. I’ll give you a hint, it has to do with the upper fourth of the image.

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That’s right! Here comes the fucking sun! The second a camera showed the sky…

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^my real time reaction.

How the hell is a halftime show supposed to be pulled off in broad daylight? the best they could do was make everyone in the crowd wear black so that the colors stood out, but even that wasn’t enough. In my opinion, if anymore Super Bowls are to played outdoors on the West Coast… I don’t care if kickoff is 9 pm EST. I want a spectacular light show.

What else to fix?

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Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show

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THESE TWO ALREADY HAD THEIR HALFTIME SHOWS. While all the camera work was phenomenal, I was scared they were going to do “Uptown Funk.” The second Chris cut “Yellow” off at 1 and 5/6ths lyrics, I knew the NFL was up to no good. Shocker. Put this one right up there with Ray Rice and CTE. I want to know who’s decision it was; did Coldplay come together and decide, “We want Bruno Mars and Beyonce,” or did Goodell want to grind as much money out of this thing as possible? Or, did Beyonce offer them an amount they couldn’t refuse, seeing as she surprise released a new single/music video, was featured in Coldplay’s latest single/video “Hymn For The Weekend” AND announced her world tour after the show. After her last marketing stunt was foiled by the mastermind that is Beck, she had to pull out all the stops. Just a pop prostitute feeding off the limp dick of repressed America.

The last major flaw is that no one could hear Chris singing. Simple fix: turn the mic up.

Those three are really it. While I was #TeamMedley going into this thing, I didn’t mean like SUPER MEDLEY!!! I meant like 5-6 songs not in their entirety. It is only a 12-13 minute set, so there’s not much room. Bands like U2 and The Rolling Stones stuck to three songs, and Prince played six. Coldplay’s got too much to not go for the medley, but they got screwed by the system here.

So how could it have been great?

1:

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Drop the shades on mother nature. Close the roof, I don’t care. Just make it dark.

2. The rest is basically how I would alter Coldplay’s set.

  • The “Yellow” intro was cool. Stick with that, even with the way Chris came out. But slow it down and let the crowd sing a little. Maybe even the stripped down piano intro, similar to that found on the Live 2012 album.
  • Let the lights go black, and launch into “Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall.”
  • When that ends, whether its a partial or whatever, go right into “Adventure Of A Lifetime.” Not that it’s even a top 10 song of theirs, but just because it’s a given that they’d play it.
  • “Clocks.”
  • Right into “Viva La Vida.” And, let the crowd sing.
  • This last part is what would make this a top two halftime show. Play “Fix You”. But follow in the footsteps of U2’s 9/11 tribute in 2002. DO SOMETHING FOR PARIS!!! Drop that Eiffel Tower logo on a banner, something. This is what I expected, and am very disappointed it didn’t happen.
  • End it the same way. Keep the “Fix You” instrumentation going, but sing the end to “Up&Up” to the correct rhythm. Guaranteed to bring the world to to it’s knees. Still do all the color shit too. I love colors.

Just in case you wanted a quick cry.

Conclusion: the greediness of the NFL and the relationship between space and time (arguably doctored by the NFL) held back Coldplay’s halftime show from being the pinnacle of all halftime shows. No one may ever beat U2, but Coldplay could’ve came close.

SIDE NOTE:

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I felt like I was being peer pressured into doing some sort of scary drug or cheating on a test or going outside without a coat on at this moment.

PS: I used the phrase “The Tube” up top. I was talking about YouTube. I am neither British nor a pervert.