Quincy Is Trying To Be The Most Patriotic City In America

https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/2016/04/18/city-presidents-america-most-patriotic-town/f4OV861OYqMigDTFXwZDXI/story.html

DISCLAIMER: This bill hasn’t passed yet, but let’s be real: Quincy, whether or not this gets passed, will be calling itself “America’s Most Patriotic City” until the end of time. So in a way, it’s official no matter what.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN IN THE Q-Z-Y! I WAS, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN IN THE Q-Z-Y!

It’s about time that Quincy got its due dilligence when it comes to legal recognition of its patriotism. God’s Country is now also trying to become America’s City.

Now granted, some might say that there could be a bit more legitimacy behind the legal bill that names Quincy America’s Most Patriotic City. It was drafted in the Massachusetts State House, so there’s a lot of other cities and towns nationwide–probably with less frightening public transportation stations–that might wanna argue this claim. Philadelphia certainly has an argument. Boston, the big city that Quincy is a part of (depending on who you ask), does too. Plus, the guy who led the charge on this, Representative Bruce Ayers, is, “…a Quincy guy, born and raised.” So, maybe there’s some bias.

But let’s cut the shit.

How many presidents were born in Philly, huh?! How ’bout Boston?!?!?!?! BOOM! Trump (Sad!) card has been played bitches! Doesn’t matter if Quincy continuously talks about the two extremely-mediocre-at-best presidents that were born within its borders like Yankees fans talk about the Bronx Bombers of the 1940’s, it still makes us more patriotic than you. We’ve got a day off in order to getting blackout drunk and stay away from the creepy street vendors during the parade for Flag Day. Flag Day! Dedham’s cool since they do it with us, but our patriotism oozes everywhere. You can tell with the giant ass flag held up by two firetrucks. To quote another great American patriot, Eric Church, “That’s damn rock ‘n’ roll.”

It’s not enough to celebrate just the basic holidays like all those other, not-as-patriotic cities. 4th of July, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, Presidents Day, Tom Brady’s Birthday, all those are nice and all but they don’t scratch our itch.

And some could call Representative Ayers’ charge on a bill that will persumably last no longer than 25 seconds on the State House floor biased, but I call it objective. He knew about all those aformentioned things and realized he had to put the symbolic crown of patriotism on the most worthy symbolic head.

If this passes, Mayor Koch better be thanking his lucky stars and throwing roses at this guy’s feet; he just got a free pass for the rest of his tenure in office. He might not be able to start the rebuilding of Quincy Center until 5132, he might have a huge drug crisis on his hands, he might have voted against marriage equality in the past, and he might be running a city with crumbling infastructure, but goddamnit he was the mayor when Quincy won possibly the biggest accolade it could ever win! “What’s that? Our city is a shell of its former self? I can’t hear you because MY RING’S MAKING TOO MUCH NOISE!!!! Scoreboard mofos!!!!”

Ayers stated that he wants people to “rediscover” Quincy as a tourist city. That’s great! In fact, if he doesn’t mind, consider this post on an extremely amateur and casual blog run by a college sophomore my official application to create the tourism commercial for Quincy. You know those commercials, right? The ones that say stuff like”Visit Tampa: We promise we’re not in that part of Florida!” or “Why should you come to Vegas? You know exactly why!”

It’s gonna be a straightforward ad. No nonsense. To the point. That’s the American way; I would know because I’m from the most patriotic city in America.

Obviously, this is the background music.

Sorry for no playback on here, but let’s be honest: this song is so awesome that you’re gonna be listening on YouTube on another tab regardless.

As the chorus is being sung, someone–ideally the Fox NFL voiceover guy, Hulk Hogan, Lil’ Jon, or Flavor Flav; I’ll let the city specifically choose one of the four–says:

“WHY SHOULD YOU VISIT QUINCY MASSACHUSETTS?!?!?!”

And then the following images are shown, the OG things in the song are replaced with Quincy-based things. Naturally, they’re eachfollowed by a “FUCK YEAH!”

“HISTORY!”

“JOHN ADAMS!”

“JQA!”

“JOHN HANCOCK!”

“FAMOUS DEAD PEOPLE!”

“KILROY!”

BLACKISTONE!

“FLAG DAY!”

“THE USS SALEM!”

“THE ORIGINAL DUNKS!”

“GRUMPY WHITE’S!”

“FROZEN FREDDY’S!”

“DAIRY FREEZE!”

“CATWAY PACIFIC!”

“KAN-MAN!”

“THE BLUE HILLS!”

“QUARRY!”

“UNDERAGE DRINKING!”

“5-O!”

“THE RED LINE!”

“QUINCY CENTER!”

“FURNACE BROOK!”

“MINI FENWAY!”

“THE LIBRARY!”

“STOP AND SHOP HQ!”

“MARYLOU’S!”

“CBC!”

“DONUT KING!”

“THE LIBRARY!”

“FATHER BILL’S!”

“ADAMS PLAZA!” (Instead of “FUCK YEAH!” it’s “RIP!”)

“WEST SIDE!”

“WOLLASTON!”

“MURDAMOUNT!”

“NQ!”

“SQUANTUM!”

“EAST MILTON!” (“FUCK NO!”)

This is immediately followed by Charlie Kelly singing “Rock, Flag, and Eagle” in front of explosions and fireworks.

Hey Quincy: this idea’s for free, but the next one’s gonna cost ya.

Featured image courtest of The Quincy Sun.

8 thoughts on “Quincy Is Trying To Be The Most Patriotic City In America

  1. Dale Mulhall says:

    I’m from London, UK……and f**k yeah you’ve sold this place to me as a tourist destination. See you & your patriotic neighbours in the summer. Cheers.

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      1. Dale Mulhall says:

        Already looked at flights to Boston for the summer, I’m committed to seeing what this place is like…..

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      2. bfitzy17 says:

        It’s not too bad of a city. Certain parts are a bit sketchy but that’s the deal with any place. Don’t make it the highlight of your trip but it’s worth doing, especially the historical aspects. Only 10-15 minutes outside of Boston proper, and it’s right off the highway.

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  2. spluck says:

    I’ve lived in Quincy for 50+ years and I have to ask … is this a joke? The most patriotic city in America?! Obviously you and Mr. Ayers don’t get out much.

    Sorry. I digress. A huge chunk of residents in my section of Quincy don’t speak English and have no desire to learn. They don’t have a clue about Quincy’s history, nor do they give a rat’s ass. Yeah, real patriotic.

    Regarding journalism, find better topics, disable your quotation mark key and enable your spellchecker. Maybe just switch majors.

    Born in the Q Z Y? Groan. Insanely lame. How old are you?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. bfitzy17 says:

      Hey spluck (if that IS your real name)!

      I’ve lived in Quincy for 20+ years and I have to answer…no this actually is a bill on the Massachusetts State House floor.

      You got me on the “I don’t get out” thing, #BoomRoasted the heck outta me. 8.6/10 chirp, I gotta say.

      Sorry. I digress. Regardless of how many people do/don’t speak English in the Q, I’d expect everyone to at least have an idea that two extremely pedestrian/subpar presidents hailed from our fabulous city, considering our patriotism is so vivid. They should at LEAST know that the first Dunkin’ Donuts was there. That’s patriotic.

      Regarding your journalism critiques, I wouldn’t necessarily call our blog a journalism hot stove and more of a casual blog that you read without taking too seriously/getting worked up about. That might’ve flown over your head on this post, but if you keep reading us I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it.

      If you don’t like the topics on the blog run by a couple of South Shore kids who write about random silly stuff in their spare time out of the love of the blogging game, then maybe you could directly change things. I’d like to offer you a spot on our team in order to improve our content! You clearly have a tremendous grasp on the finer points of journalism considering your astute comment, so if we get a talent like you on our team, all the better. I can’t promise you any money, but I’ll absolutely give you some pointers for MVP Baseball 2005 and NCAA Football 2007 on PS2 (GameCube too if you tell me the control translations). I’d say that’s worth any monetary compensation.

      As for the quotation marks thing, I tried to simulate, y’know, the process of thought or people talking, so that’s why I used it. My bad if you didn’t get that; I’ll keep that in mind moving forward. I specifically didn’t use any quotation marks in this comment in order to prove that I’m trying to get better, spluck. I feel like I know you better now than I know my own self, so your pointers will make me into a better man.

      And y’know, I would’ve used my spellchecker if it wasn’t broken. It’s of commission and at the shop right now. It should be ready to go again in a few days. If it doesn’t work after that then I just might bring it over to Lowe’s. Heard they do a solid job of fixing those bad boys up.

      I’m probably not gonna switch majors though, because I’m about as good at math and science as you are at detecting sarcasm.

      Lastly, I’m not gonna tell you my age specifically, but I can tell you it’s in between 1-69. Make your guess a nice one, and keep feeding us page views!

      Peace, love, QZY.

      Until we meet again,
      Your Boy BfitzP

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