The Asinine ESPN Article Of The Day

http://espn.go.com/espnw/voices/article/15562343/the-athleticism-beyonce

This has got to be the end of this. I’m so fed up living in this society where Beyoncé is worshipped like a queen. People still bitch about Beck mopping the floor with her at the Grammy’s two years ago, and those people are asshats that have no idea what artistry truly entails. We could talk about how Lemonade took 16 producers and 60 song writers, including credits to all of Led Zeppelin, Animal Collective and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Come up with your own music. Just because you’re good looking and can kinda dance doesn’t mean I have to make like a ditto and conform to the rest of society’s upside down tendency to worship a template.

But that’s not what this is about, and this isn’t the first time I’m given that rant. It’s the fact that she’s being compared to athletes.

“Artistic craft and athleticism aren’t that different. Beyoncé approaches her work with principles similar to those champions live by: You see her same attitude in the proactive hustle of Serena Williams’ enterprising plays, the precision of Gabby Douglas’ routines. The best moments in sports are the result of the same gorgeously crafted technique that makes for inspiring art. Think Michael Jordan’s iconic flight from the free throw line and the drama of Steph Curry’s 400th 3-pointer.”

If someone could give me an inside look at Beyoncé’s process I’d love to see it. Every other artist does it so why not her? Maybe, just maybe it’s because all we’d see is a room full of songwriters and producers listening to an iPod and coming up with lyrics that not only could apply to anyone, but are as vague as Hillary Clinton’s plan to defeat ISIS, which of course was simply, “Defeat ISIS.”

“Yoncé has always been the shooter that stays alone in the gym when there is no one left to rebound.”

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How is this comparison accurate at all? It’s like comparing sand to water or The Blue Album to Make Believe: the two things are so dissimilar from one another that you can visibly see the awkwardness when one tries to associate with the other.

“My father belongs to the generation that stubbornly refuses to offer its approval for anything us younger folks do. Nothing is done the way it used to be. We just aren’t made the same. Usain Bolt isn’t worth the salt in Carl Lewis’ sweat. Bruno Mars couldn’t shine Prince’s shoes.”

This one just had to be added because Bruno Mars is nowhere near Prince and I feel insulted by that and am declaring this a safe space. And that’s not just because Prince came first or because he’s dead. It has something to do with the the six-legged monsters he strapped around his left shoulder.

“Her system has been a scale by which to measure my own work ethic. In sweet, recent time, I have witnessed her bring images of our black-girl, thick-fit, voluptuous-muscular bodies to the foreground. It took a couple of decades. It took agility, energy, drive, strategy, running the plays over and over again, in heels, but here we are on enormous screens, on the most-watched television events in America.”

No I think people just realized that wanting girls to be super skinny all the time was almost as nonsensical as this article. Throwing the phrase “in heels” around as much as it was in this article doesn’t make any of this idiocy anymore bona fide. People don’t care if women wear heels, women care if women wear heels. Don’t continually use buzzwords to complain about something no one asked you to do/cares if you do in this first place.