Robbers In Missouri Used Pokemon Go To Attract More Victims

God DAMNIT Team Rocket, you guys just don’t quit do ya?!

It was only, as Brandon Flowers would say, a matter of time before something like this happened. We’ve already started to see some weird stories come out after the launch of the glitiest game ever with the servers that are committed as Taylor Swift. We’ve got people waiting in front of police stations and finding dead bodies in order to catch ’em all. But a few robbers in Mighty Mo hatched the, frankly, genius plan for attracting more people to do bad thangz to. They put up beacons by the Pokeshops located in the virtual world in order to bring Trainers to a certain location in the real world, then proceeded to do the things robbers tend to do.

In a weird way, hats off to these robbers for exploiting the market. They’re still scumbags for trying to rob people, but it wouldn’t be as hot of a take if I centered this article on that ideal. I have to give credit where credit is due. But the app giveth and the app taketh away, and the fuzz quickly caught onto the robbers and trapped them in their methaphorical Pokeballs. If you’re smart enough to realize that you could use this new app to your illegal advantage, you’ve also gotta be smart enough to figure out a way to make sure there’s no way you can be tracked. After all, the game uses Google Maps, so even if it’s a brand spankin’ new app the location elements are not exactly rocket science to law enforcement officials–and normal civilians for that matter.

I do have one question about this whole fiasco, though. One that I hope I’ll get an answer to: What were the robbers trying to rob from the victims? Material items or Pokemon?

The obvious answer is the former. Money is the be-all-end-all, and of course you can flip other materials for dolla dolla bills y’all.

But have you seen the Pokemon that are out there now? They’re trash! So far, I’ve got like eight Pokemon, which include a Rattata (which I oh-so-cleverly named Snitchata), an Eevee (XMas Eevee), a Bellsprout (Leveon Bell), a Spearow (Jack Spearow), and a Slowpoke (Meme).

So I’m not exactly ready to fight Chawizawd or the likes, and neither are any of you reading I assume.

But you know who I bet does have those nasty Pokemon? The people who’d meet an anonymous user sending out a signal within the app at 2AM, that’s who. I don’t think you can trade with other people in Pokemon Go (yet), but that would certainly make sense. I dunno, just a theory I suppose.

Any way you cut it, praise Helix.

Cover photo courtesy of