Let Me Introduce You To The Album Of The Summer

If that doesn’t sum it up for you then nothing will and you should slap on some black eye liner and go listen to The Black Parade, because there’s no hope. Life is a just a series of let downs, kind of like NBC’s The Event, and then you die.

So IN CASE you missed it blink-182 (lowercase, with a hyphen. Don’t wear it out.) returned on July 1 with their seventh studio album to date. I won’t go into the background of DeLongeGate and DeLexit because I actually executed fierce coverage of those events as they unfolded. I also won’t go into what my feelings on that man ^ are, but for the sake of this post the cockwomble from that video is no longer in the band. Yes, he’s the WHERE ARE YOU guy- Tom.

In comes a boy by the name of Skiba, a pop-punk veteran from a little outfit called Alkaline Trio. You may recognize some of their lyrics from those weird kids in middle school posting them as their AIM status after there heart was broken, a wound that never heals in a 12-year old. Bottom line is that Skiba knows how to write pop-punk and is a very talented guitarist.

If you’ve never listened to Alkaline Trio check out ‘Mercy Me’ and ‘Radio.’ The latter is a pretty fucked up song lyrically but is freaking genius.

Just watch like 10 seconds from where I started the video above and you’ll understand how much of an upgrade this is. Someone who can not only sing and play, but can do them at the same time too!

Average-Album

And the result of that switch is this gem of an album. I never did a review for it, kind of got away from those in general, but I’d probably give it a a 7 or 8 out of 10. All I can say is that I’ve been jamming to it all summer and if you haven’t listened yet you’re missing like 5 of the top 10 potential songs of the summer.

On to the awards:

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Here’s my Mount Rushmore of songs on the album. These are what my good friend Anders Jonsgaard calls the Queso tracks, because they’re very necessary anytime you’re eating chips.

Certified Banger:

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Guys, it’s gotta be Kings of the Weekend. I’m still on summer break but the second I move back to school this song is going to be responsible for a lot of screaming, possible noise ordinance violations (and citations) and the aux cord being pried away from me.

It’s Friday night, let’s lose our minds

In a downward spiral HERE WE GOOOOO

Cause we got no control

NO CONTROL!

Best Opening Track:

This one was tough but in the end I went with the opener, ‘Cyncial,’ which would’ve made the Mount Rushmore segment had there been a larger granite mountain available in South Dakota. If only it was longer, but maybe shorter fits.

Best Lyric:

Again, tough decision but I opted for the closer, “Brohemian Rhapsody.”

There’s something about you

That I can’t quite put my finger in.

Just think about what that’s saying about society, the working class, and human consciousness as a whole.

Part That Would Suck If Tom Sang It:

The chorus of “Teenage Satellites” would sound somewhere along the lines of the sound that someone who can’t sang makes when they think they have the booming voice of a Zeus himself, or Jared Leto. Skiba pulls it off.

Best Song + Guitar Part That I Wish Made My Ears Bleed:

Took me about a month to get into this one, but it hit me like age hit Courtney Cox when it did. Guitar kind of sounds like ‘Adam’s Song,’ and that last bridge that I wish could go louder and louder into the final iteration of the chorus by that somehow sane hellbeast behind the axe is my favorite moment on the album. Did you guess yet? It’s ‘San Diego’ of course. I guarantee The Cure saw noticeable bumps in ticket sales after America got a hold of this one.

Next Tier:

‘Cynical,’ ‘Sober,’ ‘Los Angeles,’ ‘No Future,’ ‘The Only Thing That Matters.’

Worst Song:

‘Rabbit Hole’ fucking sucks. It uses the country formula of taking some mundane phrase and writing a meaningless song with lazy lyrics around it. Fuck that song.