Tom Brady Reminds Jimmy G Just How Small He Is

Felger & Mazz’ analogy yesterday that “Pearl Jam doesn’t open for the Strokes,” in addition to being flat out wrong seeing as Jimmy did start last nite, was completely asinine. Grunge died in 1994 when it’s face stuck a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. Pearl Jam I guess would be #2 on grunge’s Mount Rushmore, but there really aren’t hat many bands that were really impacted by them. But the Strokes, and I stand by this, are the most influential band on modern music. The Killers, Arctic Monkeys, Franz Ferdinand, Vampire Weekend, the Vaccines, the Libertines – they spawned a generation of music, and just because I didn’t name artists outside the umbrella of “indie” rock doesn’t mean they don’t exist. It’s just that this supposed to be a Patriots blog and here I am way over there.

America’s Team remains undefeated on the season, and reports are Mercury Morris has already made a phone call to East Rutherford.

Jimmy to Hogan

Lucky for Mercury there’s no real threat as the pinnacle of our 4-game starter’s night was this play, his first play. I’d really hope that any quarterback north of Cleo Lemon and south of 2007 Derek Anderson could make a throw when a rookie (26) who’s clearly supposed to be in zone coverage tries racing the tight end down the field and turns when he realizes he fucked up only to see that its too late.

The starting O-line played well this game, even with Carolina’s starters in. Blount and Gaffney were able to Kool-Aid man through their front 7 like water through a semipermeable membrane.

Air Blount

Oh yeah and this too. (Take note of James Develin’s block here.)

Anytime Blount can get a running start and hop a safety on one of the best defenses in the league you know something is being done right.

New England Jesus entered the game at the end of the 1st quarter and quickly showed James Aladdin Garoppolo how one chucks the rock.

Brady to Hogan

Regardless of Brady’s 3/9 via a catchable pass by Martellus Bennett in the endzone and a dropped ball by AJ Derby, reminding everyone who the king is by keeping your eyes downfield when big fat guys are hitting other big fat guys all around you and hitting a moving window the size of a pineapple 32-yards down the field should be a subtle reminder to Jimmy that he really hasn’t done shit yet. Not to say he’s being cocky or anything, but I think seeing Brady come in and make an ELITE throw like this will make him work harder before Arizona.

Definitely worth bringing up is the play of the secondary this game, although the entire defense brought their A game. “No Fly Zone Over Logan Airport” was the pun being thrown around on the internet, as Logan Ryan was like a sieve filled with flexi-seal, and Duron Harmon accomplished what man has also strived to do – intercept Derek Anderson. You can tell hasn’t mentally gotten past throwing that interception in 2007 that denied the Cleveland Browns entry to the playoffs for the first time since the Kelly Holcomb era.

Cyrus Jones is also turning into a player we can more afford to lose to an injury from getting rag dolled once he gets cocky on punt returns.

Cyrus Jones return

If only he hadn’t ruined it by getting tackled by the kicker, who I fully expect to have a letter from the NFL on his locker this morning saying he has to take a drug test. The white man’s plight for sure.

And finally MAKE THE FUCKING KICK STEPHEN. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO DRAFT YOU IN THE 7TH ROUND OF FANTASY LEAGUES. YOU CAN MISS A 52-YARDER EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE BUT HIT THE FUCKING 30 PLEASE. YOU’RE A GROWN MAN. YOU’VE GOT BLOOD RUNNING THROUGH YOUR HEART. JUST HIT IT.

@jonsgaard19

All GIFs courtesy of Reddit user /u/timnog. All words courtesy of my parents for creating me.

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