Adele Will Not Be Playing A Concert At The Quincy Center T Station; Emotionally Unstable Citizens Weep

https://www.bostonglobe.com/arts/music/2016/09/13/adele-isn-playing-quincy-station/cjwethjdBSuIIQ3csfRoeL/story.html

https://www.facebook.com/events/779160635553640/

God, just imagine the traffic in Quincy Center before and after an Adele concert? The city has a hard enough time controlling traffic without any construction going on around there when a mama duck and her baby ducklings have to cross the road, so I can’t fathom how it would go if Adele flexed the golden pipes on the inbound platform to Braintree.

It’s not like we’d need that extra heads, either. Quincy Center’s T station is already a mess; can’t move five feet in that concrete block without bumping into a person who you’d rather probably not be bumping into. But with Adele….boy. Bodies flying everywhere. Limbs going left and right. Human sacrifice. Cats living with dogs. Mass hysteria.

This bananas–but hilarious–rumor came from a local DJ group called Usual Suspects. Low key, the funniest part of this story is the fact that the opening act for this fake show at a train station was…Train. SKULL EMOJI SKULL EMOJI SKULL EMOJI.

I bet they’d have an 8 song set. Open with “Drive By,” followed by 3 version “Hey, Soul Sister” (normal, acoustic, heavy metal), then 4 versions of “Drops of Jupiter” (again: normal, acoustic, heavy metal, and end it with a duet with a prerecording of TSwift’s version during her tour a few years back). It’s not like any of the people going in and out of Quincy Center on the Red Line can rattle off the deep cuts and B-sides of Train’s catalogue; pander to the lowest common denominator, baby.

This isn’t the only time Usual Suspects have been up to these antics: they’ve made Facebook events similar to the Adele one with Red Hot Chili Peppers playing at the Weymouth Whole Foods with Korn and Cranberries and–frankly the funniest one–Digital Underground and Snoop Dogg playing in the bathroom of the Weymouth Burger King. That show would be sick, “Gin and Juice” in a dirty bathroom? Sign me up. Would rather it be at the Adams Street BK, where I spent too much of my time during my formative years, but I can’t complain.

How about the MBTA Twitter treating this like it’s a DEFCON 1 scenario? They’re making sure to diffuse this clearly fake situation like it’s the bomb at point B on Rust on Search and Destroy. They pulled out their UMP45 with rapid fire and silencer, got a quick double kill to get a UAV with Hardline, found the other guys hiding in that structure in the middle of the map, deactivated the bomb, clinched the dub for the TF141, called a bunch of 14 year olds hyped on Mountain Dew a bunch of names, and called it a day.

BONUS: Mount Rushmore of T Stations:

-Wollaston. I’m a Red Line, specifically Wolly T guy, ’til I die. Always the T stop I hop on if I’m going into town.

-Kenmore. It means you’re close to/going to Fenway, and there’s no better place on this planet than 4 Yawkey Way.

-South Station. Dank food options.

-Quincy Adams. Looooot of time spent staring this station down during my tenture at Home Depot in the summer of 2014. Thoooooose were the daaaaaays!

No doubt, we’ll be talking about this and more on this week’s episode of Podcast AF. Subscribe on iTunes and follow us on Twitter: @Podcast_AF!

Photos courtesy of justjared.com, Wikimedia, photoshelter.com, Steve Dunwell, and panoramio.com