If you know one thing about me, it’s that I’m
not that funny the number one fan of former Red Sox player Wily Mo Peña.
I’ve dedicated much of my formative years to the slugger and I’ve tried to model myself after him. Who wouldn’t? He made his money by either hitting fastballs all the way to Kashmir for Indians and Pakistanis to bicker over who gets to bring it home, or he’d strike out swinging on three pitches-all breaking balls-faster than you can say, “They really went downhill after Pinkerton.” He’s the physical embodiment of the saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try again.”
He’s a beast in MVP Baseball 2005, too. Fun fact: MVP Baseball 2005 roughly translates from Russian into “best video game of all time and there’s nothing the white John Andersen can say to change my mind.”
Despite his raw power, inability to take a fucking pitch every once and a while, and unique ability to sell t-shirts due to his awesome name (I probably wouldn’t be so fond of WMP if his name was Nelson Peña or Wily Tañ Ñehill, despite his intangible knack to break out), Wily Mo was out of the spotlight for quite some time, not making a Major League appearance since the 2011 season, when he hit .204 for 7 homers and 15 RBI’s. He’s been bouncing around Asia, Mendoza lining and spreading the love on somewhat of a world tour. YouTube commenters at the time were saying how much they loved him and were begging him to visit India and South Africa in the future. In essence, he’s baseball’s equivalent of The Killers.
But Wily Mo’s been making another album (again, like the Killers!!!!) and is coming back to the States; he signed a minor league deal with the defending American League Champions and defending World Series lozurzzzzzz Cleveland Indians, per Jon Heyman.
(Listen to this on loop for full effect)
When I heard the news, I had just woke up from a nap. The signing happened about 10-15 minutes before I woke up, and I already had a flood (read as: a few) of Twitter mentions.
Naturally, I freaked out. I ran around my house. I screamed and shrieked in pure unadulterated joy. I waved around my Wily Mo Red Sox player shirt. I told Missy Mo Peña about the news and she understood my excitement and shared it with me, but not to the point of doing the aforementioned actions.
I’m so proud of WMP. I feel like his parent despite the huge age difference (I recently turned 21 and Wily Mo just turned 35); his success is my success. There were a few of us who believed he would return-and knew deep down in places we don’t talk about that he would. I like to think that the charge is led by myself and Jared Carrabis; we shared a nice moment last night.
To all the nonbelievers!!!!!!!!! Especially YOU John Henry!!!!! Thanks for having his back Dombrowski!!!!!! It feels GREAT, poetic justice! He’s pissed off, people gave him no chance like he barely made the majors; HE’S A GOOD BASEBALL PLAYER! For ALL you nonbelievers: disrespect him, talk crap about his defense, all we hear about is Bryce Harper, he can’t stop a nosebleed! And WILY’S the one getting disrespected!
Now, as the term “minor league contract” suggests, you can deduct that Wily Mo’s gonna start 2017 in the minors. And truth be told, a minor league contract doesn’t usually lead to much for the player. For clubs, it’s a low risk-high reward type of thing. It’s no skin off of the C-word Indians’ nose if WMP doesn’t make the bigly team, and they only have to fork over $700,000 if he does get called up to Cleveland’s 25-man roster.
But we don’t have to worry about that just yet.
We just need to embrace the fact that Wily Mo is #back.
I woke up yesterday not thinking that he would be signed by an MLB ball club, and I went to bed pleasantly surprised. Hey, who’s to say I wake up one day in the future not thinking he’ll get called up to a team with a very solid lineup top to bottom in the middle of a pennant race and go to bed again pleasantly surprised? Maybe a few guys get hurt or injured (big difference), one thing leads to another…who knows? It’d be a shame if something were to happen to Michael Brantley or Mike Napoli…….🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
So welcome back, Wily Mo Peña. We missed you so so much, and we’re excited to see you suit up again.
Now let’s look at some highlights and laugh at some pictures of the man of the hour.