Man Petitions to Have Kevin James Play Frank Underwood in “House of Cards”

In times of great uncertainty, one person can speak up and change the world.

This quote that was just made up on the spot but sounds like it could be from someone famous and used on countless AIM away messages has been proven true thanks to one Robbie Pyma. My dude wants Kevin James to replace sexual predator and former straight person (more important factoid if you were to ask him) Kevin Spacey as Frank Underwood on the hit Netflix series House of Cards.

I haven’t finished watching season 5 of Cards because, frankly, I don’t really care what goes down at this point. I felt that way before all this disgusting stuff about Spacey came out over the last week or so. Season 5 hasn’t been bad. It’s just…meh.

Y’know who isn’t meh?

President Kevin James, that’s who.

No longer would I have to struggle through watching the current Francis J. Underwood going on about ICO or Kathy Durant or yadda yadda yadda.

Kevin James doing that, though?

Now THAT’S must watch TV!

Imagine watching Kevin James trying to handle a hostage situation in the Middle East. That sounds like the best episode of King of Queens ever! Doug’s just fumbling over his words and waiting for the post-negotiation snack, classic! Only thing that may top that is the same situation in Everybody Loves Raymond.


“AHHHHHH HEY AL-ASSAAAAAAAAAAD! Don’t kill the American citiz–DEBRAAAAAAA!!!! GO TAKE CARE OF THE TWINS MAAAAAA!!!! Look we’ll even give ya some of our famous lemon pepper chic–ROBERT!!!!”

I don’t think this idea of Kevin James being Frank is crazy at all. A quick look on IMDb shows that Kevin James, in fact, has experience playing the President of the United States. I’m not joking.

It was in the critically acclaimed masterpiece Pixels, which has a whopping 17% on Rotten Tomatoes.

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kevin james president


(Side note: Jesus Christ Tyrion, that flow is outrageous. You drink, you know things, and you have the best hair in the Seven Kingdoms)

Point is, he’s been in this position before. He’s walked a mile in these shoes. He, as another fictional POTUS, has skeletons to hide in his closet like Frank. If anyone should step into the Underwood dynasty, Kevin’s your guy.

I implore James to take this up mainly so I don’t have to see commercials for Kevin Can Wait on CBS football games anymore. Not as bad as Young Sheldon commercials, but still. No pun intended, but King of Queens Pt. 2: Electric Boogaloo can wait; gimme Kevin James on Cards.

While we’re at it, if anyone else on the House of Cards cast gets into hot water, we should probably have some backups, no?

Adam Sandler can be Claire. He’s played a woman before in another classic that got snubbed by the Oscars Academy, Jack and Jill.


Rob Schneider, perennial sidekick, is an easy choice for Doug Stamper.

Chris Rock’s Remy Danton. Y’know, come to think of it, let’s just get the whole cast of Grown Ups back.


That means Kurt Cobain David Spade can be Gavin. I don’t know how they’ll bring back William from Westworld/Liam McPoyle from It’s Always Sunny, but that’s not for me to figure out, now is it?