Let’s get this one out of the way – The New York Jets

Welcome to the Podcast AF offseason review series, astutely titled “The Probe” – the unofficial official NFL offseason review series of the Vegas Golden Knights. Here, like most NFL “writers”, I will regurgitate takes I read or heard somewhere else and pass them off as original thoughts. Will Ryan Tannehill breakout in 2018? Was Mike McCarthy abandoned by the run game as a child? Does Saturn have a playoff atmosphere? Your questions, answered! Sponsored by “Ready Player One”, in theaters March 29th!

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New York Jets (5-11, 4th AFC East)

Jets fans justifying $10M for one year of 38-year old Josh McCown by saying “he’ll be like the QB’s coach” are completely delusional. If you wanted him to be the QB’s coach, then you give him $300K and have him be the QB’s coach. There’s a radical thought.

Going into free agency, The Jets had enough cap room to buy anything they wanted. Those N64 Ocarina of Time’s on eBay? They could’ve bought like two of those.

The needs were clear. 1 of the 5 starters on their OL might be a passable NFL starter (OT Brandon Shell). The rest shouldn’t be allowed within a mile of an NFL stadium.

Bowles likes to run a 3-4 base that features a lot of DBs. So it’s really not a 3-4 at that point. And then he likes to catapult his defenders at the QB while his DBs attempt to arrest the WRs. The problem was the Jets had no pass rush and opposing WRs running downfield looked like Squidward when he enters limbo.

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Mike Maccagnan’s solution? Sign a shitload of WRs, two backups offensive lineman, Isaiah fucking Crowell, old man McCown, and Teddy Bridgewater, who may or may not have tried to cure his obliterated knee with a stick of butter.

Given the amount of cap space the Jets had, these moves won’t necessarily screw them, it just raises the question of how they’re evaluating their own roster. It also indicated Bowles has a ring on scheme and won’t adjust to personnel. It’s not like there weren’t offensive lineman available in free agency, but for some reason the Jets went with Terrelle Pryor, Andre Roberts, and Isaiah Crowell. Oh and before that, they were prepared to give Kirk Cousins $90M, if he had only said yes. It’s like me being prepared to date anyone despite not having finished the Horizon Zero Dawn DLC. There would quite the strain on that relationship.

Anyone remember Matt Millen?

TIGHT END: Austin Seferian-Jenkins is out of town and last year’s 5th-round pick Jordan Leggett is the favorite to start. He actually could be very productive because whoever gets screwed into throwing him the ball won’t have time to throw it to anyone else. This was why I drafted Evan Engram in all my fantasy leagues last season.

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As for the defense:

Movie Comparison: “The Monuments Men”

Despite getting off to rocky start from a PR standpoint, Jamal Adams was actually pretty good at SS. Last year’s 2nd-round pick, FS Marcus Maye ranked out in the red as the #72 safety in the NFL, but Jets fans on Reddit, the Internet equivalent of some guys sitting at a bar, seem to think highly of him moving forward.

CB Trumaine Johnson’s 5/$72.5M price tag is concerning considering he came from a team in the LA Rams that actually had a pass rush. The same can be said for the 1/$6M on CB Morris Claiborne, but even with the pass rush in Dallas he just wasn’t good anyways. Finishing the Horizon Zero Dawn DLC won’t suddenly make me not neurotic.

The pass rush covering up the DBs thing can go the other way as well, it’s just more difficult. A square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn’t a square, but it kinda is to non-nerds. If the Jets didn’t think they could fix the pass rush, then maybe get CBs that have proven they can play well enough without one…Malcolm Butler?

All they have to show on the 3-man DL is Steve McLendon, who will be 33 before September. Leonard Williams had a good season but it was sharpe decline from 2016. They signed Mike Pennel for 3/$12M, but the fact that he was a member of the 2017 Packers tells you all you need to know about his pass-rushing acumen.

And finally the LBs. Can you tell I dreaded writing about the Jets?

  • OLB – Jordan Jenkins – ok, sucky pass rusher
  • OLB – ?, probably Kevin Pierre-Louis, who notably possesses no driver’s license and plenty of cannabis.
  • ILB – Darron Lee – Got into a verbal altercation with woman at Gov Ball while I was there. I didn’t see it but I was physically on the festival grounds. Their 2016 first-round pick, he improved in 2017… but that’s like saying Attack of the Clones is an improvement on The Phantom Menace.
  • ILB – Signed former Titan Avery Williamson 3/$22.5M

The Avery Williamson signing is probably the only positive opinion I have on the Jets rigt now. They were actually proactive in replacing Demario Davis. Good on ya. Time to use some of the draft capital to fill in the ho-

You couldn’t get one of the 4 QBs at number 6? Why are folks underrating Mason Rudolph so much? Ugh.

Major Draft Needs: QB, Entire OL, and anyone who’s laid a finger on a QB. Katherine Webb available?

Reader Question:

Sup;

What do you know about new Jets OC Jeremy Bates?

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Do I have a LAYDEE reading these? Wow. Funny hearing a female talk about routes. Well, Bates famously went on a 5-month vision question in the Rockies after serving as Jay Cutler’s QB coach for only one year in 2012. The ultimate example of a man’s job driving him to the brink. He was Josh McCown’s QB coach last season with the Jets prior to his title being expanded to include the entire offense.

Prisco’s Pickanosis:

In honor of Pete Prisco telling me I’m dumb and that I’ll fail, here’s this entry’s edition of “Prisco’s Pickanosis,” where I highlight something the Tom Brady of acting like an infant on Twitter was completely wrong about.

Self explanatory.

@JohnAnders42